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Dear Ann Landers,
Don't put your fingers on the glass when shutting the door. No crossed legs, both feet on the floor mat. No smoking, eating or drinking in the chariot. He washes it every day and waxes it every week. When we go out he parks as far away from other cars as possible to avoid nicks on the doors. This means we often walk several extra blocks, no matter what the weather. Other than being hung-up about his car, Tom is a great guy and very nor-mal. Will he outgrow this love affair with "Wheels" or am I stuck forever? NO. 2

DEAR 2,
You'd better learn to live with it, dear. Most guys who are car- crazy stay that way. One suggestion: If he insists on parking a considerable distance from "the place" to avoid nicks on the car doors, ask him to drop you off and pick you up. You'll feel less imposed on, even though the exercise would be good for you. CAR CRAZY DEAR ANN: We've been married years and my husband has owned different cars. We have five chil-dren and it's a struggle to make ends meet. My husband is a nut on the subject of motors. Whenever he hears an odd hum he takes the car apart and spends money for new parts. Our two older boys had hacking coughs all last winter but he was deaf to those sounds. He said, "Why throw away money on doc-tors? They'll be all right." The middle son has a paper route and wanted a bike badly. He'd been using a wagon. His dad said he couldn't afford it and suggested the boy save his money and buy his own bike. This burned me up so I wrote my father and he sent a bike as a birthday gift. My husband says cars are his greatest pleasure and he enjoys trading up and down, whatever that means. I'm sick to death of it. Can you help me? DUMB DORA DEAR DORA: Your husband sounds like a spoiled kid. Some of those "odd hums" are probably under his own hood. He needs to hear from an outside party (preferably a clergyman) what his selfish, car-crazy attitude is doing to his family relationships. A man who puts a hunk of tin and four wheels be-fore his children builds a foundation for a very lonesome old age. Automobile Thefts There's a 20 percent chance that your car could be stolen this year. The Na-tional Automobile Theft Bureau says that if you live in a large city, the odds range from 1 in 50 to 1 in 5. Nationally, chances are 1 in 150. Nearly a million motor vehicles are stolen each year in the United States -one every thirty-two seconds. Only 14 percent result in arrests; 68 percent are recovered. Most auto thefts occur after dark. The most popular month for stealing cars is August. The total economic loss is over $1.6 billion, counting the value of the cars and the cost of trying to find them. The type of car most likely to attract a thief's attention is the new, expen-sive, flashy model. Targets are most often high-line cars such as the Cadillac, Continental Mark IV and Corvette. One insurance agent in New York City admitted that there are seventeen models of cars that his agency won't even insure due to their high theft risk, but he declined to reveal them. Some in-surance companies build theft probability into their rates for specific makes and models. However, your car doesn't have to be new or high-priced to ap-peal to a thief. He may be part of an organized ring that has an "order" for your particular model of auto. Another frightening possibility is that your car could be used in another crime. If that's the intent, an ordinary, inconspicuous car appeals to the crimi-nal. The auto theft racket increased approximately 20 percent a year until 1969. The rate has slowed down since the auto companies introduced the steering column lock. The latest FBI figures show an over-all increase of 5 percent for 1972-76, with a 1 percent drop in 1976 compared with 1975. This doesn't mean the auto thief is giving up. It means he has switched his primary target. He still steals cars, but has found an even more lucrative market-for the auto parts and accessories and personal property you leave inside your car. In the 1976 report, the FBI says that since 1972, personal property stolen from autos was up 67 percent. Theft of motor vehicle parts and accessories increased a whopping 90 percent during that period. The average value per incident was $216. Stripping a car of its parts brings a higher return than selling the car in its entirety. A $5,000 auto built entirely from replacement parts would cost more than $25,000. During the New York blackout in July 1977, fifty cars were stolen from a Bronx Pontiac dealership. The cars' carcasses were found the next day-with every removable part gone. A thief doesn't even have to move your car to steal its parts. He can strip it to its bare bones in minutes. A profile of the typical car thief, as described by the FBI, is a white male between the ages of thirteen and seventeen. Those arrested are usually ama-teurs; some are kids out for a joy ride. But some juveniles, presumed to be amateurs, are really working for a professional network. They are assigned to do the actual stealing because, if caught, the punishment is less severe than for an adult. Some thieves will go to great lengths to get a particular car. A man in a Chicago suburb installed an alarm system in his Cadillac. A thief attempted to steal the car, parked outside the owner's home. He fled after setting off the alarm. The owner, finding no evidence of a break-in, assumed the alarm had malfunctioned. He disconnected it so it wouldn't disturb the neighborhood. After he re-entered his house, the thief returned and stole the car. What can you do to protect yourself? Here are some suggestions: Always lock your car and take the keys. It's astonishing how many car owners are careless (or trusting). Eighty percent of the cars stolen last year were unlocked and 40 percent had the keys in the ignition. Lock your car and close all windows tightly. Park in a well-lighted area or locked garage. Remove temptation by putting packages and valuables out of sight (CB ra-dios and tape decks are prime targets). When you park in a commercial lot or garage, leave only the ignition key with the attendant. Make sure your key number does not appear on the key you leave, to avoid possible duplication. Don't reveal how long you intend to be gone. Keep your driver's license and auto registration in your wallet or purse. If left in the car, these papers can be used by thieves to sell your car or to im-personate you if challenged by police. Install several anti-theft devices and activate them when you park your car. Many people prefer to install custom-tailored deterrent devices. These, being unique, give added protection since their operation is unfamiliar to both ama-teur and professional auto thieves. If you replace standard door locks with the slim, tapered headless kind, it's almost impossible to force them open with a coat hanger. Other suggested de-vices might include a hidden kill switch (the car won't start unless the secret switch is on), or a fuel switch that closes a valve to shut off the fuel supply. Alarms, sirens and flashing lights are often quite effective. Advertise the fact that your car has protective devices. Put a sticker on your window or bumper to warn a would-be thief. He may decide that your car is not worth the challenge and go on to someone else's. Usually a thief will choose a car that looks easy to break into, since he must work rapidly. There are also things you should do to aid in your car's recovery in case it is stolen. Since professional thieves frequently remove manufacturers' identification numbers from automobiles and component parts, you should put some per-sonal "brand" on your car in a hidden place. credit: Ray and Barbara Howard, columnists on consumerism, Chicago Sun- Times. Baby-Sitting* My mother never heard of a baby-sitter. If you are over fifty, your mother never heard of one either. In those days, it was unthinkable that "a stranger" would be called in (and * Dangers to Children and Youth by Jay Arena, M.D., Chief of Pediatrics, Duke Uni-versity, Durham, North Carolina. Copyright � 1971 Moore Publishing Company, Durham, North Carolina. paid!) to stay with small children when parents went out for an evening. Grandma, Aunt Tillie or a cousin-some kind, dependable relative-could be counted on. Moreover, there wasn't much leaving of children before World War II. Recreation was a family affair. In the early 1940s family life in America underwent some radical changes. Women who had gone to work in defense plants, as well as offices, shops and factories, liked not only the money but the freedom. They decided to keep on working. Enter the Sitter, first to be on hand when the children came home from school, then to stay one or two weekend evenings. After all, if Mama works at a job all day, she's entitled to some social life. And so it began. Baby-sitting has become big business in America. In large cities, some sit-ters are paid as much as $2 an hour. In small towns, the going rate is from $.50 to $.75 an hour, depending on the number of children and what is ex-pected in addition to sitting. Often the rate goes up after midnight. First: I offer guidelines for the woman who needs the services of a sitter. Second: Guidelines for the sitter. GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS Check the qualifications and health of the baby-sitter. Although friends, relatives and neighbors are the best sources for sitters, you may have to look beyond. Churches, high schools, colleges, nursing schools and youth organizations-such as 4-H clubs, Girl Scouts, Campfire Girls, and YWCAs -may be able to offer recommendations. Another possibility is to join a baby-sitting co-operative made up of parents. When you call a sitter, tell her how many children you have, their ages, what you expect in terms of service, what time you want her to arrive and approximately how many hours you will need her services. Establish the fee and let her know you will provide for her transportation. (I shall use the feminine gender throughout this piece because most sitters are females, but males [especially young college students] can serve well in this capacity.) Before your sitter arrives, prepare two cards. One should have the ad-dress and telephone number where you can be reached, and full instructions if the sitter is to feed, bathe or put the child (or children) to bed. The other card should list phone numbers of (a) the children's physician, (b) the police, (c) again, where you will be and (d) the phone numbers of two neighbors who can be reached in case of an emergency. The sitter should know the location of all exits, telephones, stairways, bathrooms, play areas, "off limits" areas, and which neighbors are available for assistance if needed. If your sitter is new or if you've moved, have her show up early so you can point out these locales. Even your veteran baby-sit-ter should arrive at least fifteen minutes early in case you have special in-structions. The transition time between the sitter's arrival and the parents' leaving should be as orderly as possible to avoid upsetting or confusing the children. If your children are not permitted to do something during your ab-sence which they have permission to do when you are home, tell them in the presence of the sitter so there will be no misunderstanding. If you have a pet, tell the sitter. If the dog has a jealous nature, confine it, and tell the sitter where the animal is. If your sister, friend or neighbor asks if she can bring her child (or children) to your home to be "sat" with, you or your sister, friend or neigh-bor should pay the sitter extra for this additional responsibility. The parents should warn the sitter that certain small, hard foods like nuts or popcorn can be dangerous for a baby or young child because of the possibility of being inhaled, which could result in choking. The parent should make sure no firearms are accessible for a child (or a young sitter) to get at. The sitter should understand that she is not permitted to entertain guests. Her full attention should be focused on the children who are in her charge. Don't expect your sitter to do extra chores such as dishes or ironing. Her primary concern should be your children's safety. No sleeping. Ask her to tour the house and the children's rooms every half hour. Make it clear that under no conditions should the sitter open the door for any stranger, regardless of what they say. ("I'm a friend of the fam-ily" or "My car broke down. May I use the phone?") Most sitters appreciate a late-night snack. Ask your sitter what she would like and have it on hand. Let her know you have provided her with the treat of her choice-the unspoken message being she is not to help herself to whatever she sees-such as the cake you baked for the bridge club tomor-row. If she doesn't get the message-tell her before you engage her the next time. It is important to have a meeting of minds on this matter. Sitters who eat everything in sight are one of the principal complaints according to my mail. Once parents have left home, their concern for the children should not vanish no matter how capable the sitter. A phone check should be made at least once during the evening to see how things are going. Parents should phone to let the sitter know if it appears they will be unable to be home at the time agreed upon. This is no more than common courtesy. If baby-sitting chores take place during nighttime hours, a parent should walk or drive the sitter home. GUIDELINES FOR THE BABY-SITTER Be sure the parents give you full instructions. If you are unsure about something-ask. Have an understanding in regard to fee, starting time, the approxi-mate time of the parents' return and arrangements for being escorted home- before the parents leave. Have an understanding about snacks. (See guidelines for parents.) Find out about the animals that are in the home. If more kids are included (friends' or neighbors') this means addi-tional responsibility so the price goes up. Have an understanding about the use of the telephone. A major com-plaint against sitters is that the parents tried to reach the sitter to learn if ev-erything was okay, and the phone was busy, busy, busy. Have an understanding about household work. Most sitters resent being asked to wash dishes, do "a little ironing" or clean up a messy house. If you don't want to do anything extra, say so. It goes without saying that a sitter does not leave a mess (orange peels, Coke bottles, etc.) for the lady of the house to clean up. A sitter should never help herself to perfume, cosmetics, hair rollers -anything that belongs to the lady of the house. Nor should she snoop around in closets or drawers. All play for small children, both inside and outside, should be closely supervised. Constant vigilance is the answer to keeping creepers and toddlers out of danger. Special points to keep in mind: Don't let a creeping child or toddler play on stairs or other high places (like porches and window sills) from which he could fall. Bar top and bottom of stairs with latched gates. Keep the older children off the railings of second-story porches, too. Medicine and cleaning cabinets are dangerous for a child to get into, as well as tubs of water into which he might fall and drown or be scalded. Don't let a baby or toddler pull on a lamp, table or anything that he might pull over. No youngster should be allowed to play under something that might fall on him. Keep a young child away from heaters, radiators, electric wires and appliances (especially electric fans, laundry equipment, machinery with mov-ing parts). When outdoors, keep children away from railroad tracks, high banks, wells, cisterns, garden pools, piles of rock and playground equipment that may be unsafe for their age, etc. Keep children out of the street. If it is necessary to cross a street with a child, do so at intersections only and always after traffic has stopped. Never cross the street from between parked cars. About Playthings Never let a child run with anything that might hurt him if he fell on it. Don't let a child touch or get too near a strange dog or other animal. If you see cigar and cigarette butts or ashes left lying around in trays or wastebaskets, dump them. Nicotine is poisonous when eaten. Do not let a child play with matches, scissors and other sharp instru-ments or anything small enough to swallow or that might poison him. Let a young child play only with those toys which have smooth sur-faces, safely rounded edges and comers, colors that don't come off and parts that can't be pulled off and swallowed or put in ears or nose. Never allow a baby to play with a can or box of powder (like tal-cum), as it can be breathed into his lungs or eaten with serious effects. MEALTIME If small children must be in or near the kitchen during food prepara-tion, keep them in a playpen or high chair and away from the stove. Older children should be warned not to touch hot things in the kitchen. Handles of kettles, pots and pans must be turned away from the stove edge so they cannot be reached and pulled over by a toddler. Use a potholder when handling a hot dish so you won't drop it and bum a child or yourself, and never pass a container of hot food or liquid over the head of another person. Check the gas burners frequently so that if the flame is blown out by a draft you can relight it before too much gas escapes. If considerable gas al-ready has escaped, turn off all burners and open windows and the door immediately, taking the children outside. If the gas still leaks, leave children with a neighbor and call the gas company. Never turn on electricity in a gas- filled room, as a small spark may cause a terrific explosion. Store sharp knives, matches, etc. beyond the reach of young children. Broken glass should be wrapped in newspaper before discarding and glass and tin cans should be discarded where children can't get at them. If a slippery substance is spilled on the floor, wipe it up immediately so it cannot cause a fall. BATHTIME Make sure the bath water is not too hot. Test the temperature with your elbow. Babies can drown in a few inches of water-use a small amount. Don't allow the baby to put soap into his mouth. Keep it off the bot-tom of the tub so it cannot cause slipping. Never leave a small child alone in the bathroom even for a minute, and make sure pills and other medicines, razor blades, etc. are beyond his reach. Never touch a switch with wet hands or while standing on a damp floor-electric shock may result. Be aware that if a TV set falls into a bath-tub it can electrocute a person. Always keep a firm grip on a baby while he is in the tub or in a bathi- nette, and again--do not leave him alone for an instant. Support a baby along one arm to protect his head and keep it out of the water. Have all the supplies you need at hand when you start. Do not answer the telephone or doorbell at this time. Keep a youngster far enough away from the hot water faucet to prevent his turning it on and being scalded. Hold him firmly while putting on his clothes so he can't slip from your hands and fall. Never leave safety pins open or within his reach. ADDITIONAL ADVICE TO BABY-SITTERS FROM ANN LANDERS I have received so many letters from baby-sitters who tell me, "Mr. made a pass last night when he was driving me home. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I had no idea he was that kind of a per-son." The sitters ask for advice. Should they tell his wife? Should they tell their parents or other sitters? Should they sit for the family again? Usually, the wife is "a lovely person." Often the sitter goes into detail: "The children are adorable. I'd hate to give up sitting with them." Or: "Mrs. would be heartbroken. I'd rather die than hurt her feelings." Sometimes they say, "I need the money, but I'm scared. What should I do?" My advice is as follows: Do not tell the wife. It could create a great many problems and would serve no useful purpose. Do not mention the incident to your parents or friends. Again, it would not help the situation and it might stir up real trouble and do irreparable damage. If you are under fifteen, do not sit for the family again (just say you are booked) unless arrangements can be made for you to be driven home by Mrs. or one of your own parents. This means you would have to con-tact Mr. privately and tell him he will have to suggest to his wife that she drive you home because you could not do so without putting him in a bad spot. If Mrs. doesn't drive or if Mr. is unwilling to ask her, no more sitting for that family. If you are sixteen or over, you should be mature enough to handle the situ-ation. Tell Mr. in no uncertain terms hands off-and if he makes another pass you will refuse to sit for the family again and his wife will be left to draw her own conclusions. The important thing to remember is this: Keep cool. Let Mr. know you are in command of the situation-that you will not mention the incident to anyone because of your regard for his wife and family. Chances are he will gain a great deal of respect for you and you will not be bothered by him again. BABY-SITTING BLUES



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, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat."
-Ann Landers