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Dear Ann Landers,
s I was snitching a bit of potato salad from the bowl in the fridge before supper last night, my wife caught me and in-sisted that I read your column about the "hog-mouth" husband who was too lazy to get a plate. Now that I have been properly chastened, I will, of course, give up this foul habit. Thanks to 25 years of Ann Landers' brilliant counsel-ing, my wife has molded me into a model of perfection. I no longer dance at parties with a lamp shade on my head, nor do I pinch the fan-nies of pretty waitresses. Furthermore, I have given up spitting in the eye of smokers who blow the stuff my way. The list of bad habits you caused me to drop goes on and on. But,

dear woman, the pressure of being perfect is getting to me. You and I must be the only two perfect people in the world. How do you deal with it, Annie Baby? -Dudley Dull from the Midwest Dear Dud,
It's easy. I wear my hair in a bouffant style so the halo doesn't show and my clothes are cut to allow extra room for wings. And now may I ask you a question? Do you brush your teeth with gun-powder? Since you do such a good job of shooting your mouth off, I thought I'd ask.



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Dear Readers,
, whatever they needed I provided. What really hurt my son and I the most was the obituary - we were not mentioned at all. Our friends (mine and hers) were appalled. I was embarrassed and upset for not just me, but for my son-who loved her also. I never been so upset. Her x-husband put his wife and kids and their grandchildren in the obituary, who my girlfriend barely knew. They live an hour away from us. I know its silly to be mad over a little section of the newspaper, but it still hurts. Will time let this devastating loss of her and this article ever go away? I am so angry at this whole situation, its not like we can go and rewrite an obituary notice.

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"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers