Dear Ann Landers,
our years ago, I had to discipline my son. From that came a lengthy discussion about our father-son relationship. When the boy told me he did not feel I always treated him fairly, I asked him to sit down and write out what he thought were the most important attributes of a good father. To my surprise, he was gone less than 10 minutes and returned with this list. Over the past four years, I have looked it over several times and felt that for a lad in the 10th grade, he showed a great deal of insight. I'm sending it to you, Ann, because I now realize that it was the turning point in our relationship. If you think it may have value for others, please feel free to run it in your column. -An M.D. in Atlanta

Dear M.D.,
I would say that for a lOth-grader, your son showed ex-traordinary maturity. Thanks for sending it on. I am pleased to share it with my readers. Attributes of a Good Father Listen to both sides of an argument, and respect the opinions of the other person. Accept the fact that every child doesn't have to be "normal." Don't always judge by actions. Consider the motives behind them. Work to increase strengths in the relationship, as well as improve the weaknesses. Don't be overly protective. Consider the harshness of the punishment as compared with the seriousness of the "crime." Recognize that I want to be treated like an adult. Emphasize my good points instead of dwelling on the bad. Don't push a child into doing things he doesn't want to do simply because the father would like to do them himself. Realize not everyone has the same abilities and the same ideas of what's important. I believe it's a lot harder to grow up straight and strong today than it was when I was a teenager (in the Stone Age, of course). There weren't as many permissive parents in those days, nor was there the easy availability of drugs, guns and extra money. And we didn't spend thousands of hours in front of a TV set. If I sound like a museum piece, I apologize, but this is the way I see it-and I've been a close observer for a very long time. There's a lot of wisdom in the following essay: Recipe for Becoming a Dropout Take one child who has had some tough breaks. Mold into a chip on the shoulder. Press firmly into a tough shell of refusing to accept guid-ance. Add a heaping cup of hostility. Fold in equal amounts of arrogance and anger. Mix well, and take the easy way out. Add regular dashes of the wrong friends. Sift in the refusal to listen to people who know what they're talking about. Stir vigorously with shortsightedness, excuses for not doing home-work and refusals to accept help. Sprinkle with a thick coating of caring more for what's cool than for what's right. Finally, cover with a thick layer of blame. There is always plenty to go round. This casserole is called Adolescent Surprise. If you're surprised, you don't get it. If you get it, you're not surprised.