Dear Ann Landers,
I agree that self-con-trol is a wonderful thing. I also believe that virginity is beautiful-if a girl can hang on to it. But to tell a high-school senior who is trying to buy contra-ceptives in a drugstore that he should take a cold shower and forget about it is ridiculous. THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA 283 Once a teen-ager (male or female) has crossed the line and experienced sex, he or she is not about to stop just because contraceptives are illegal. What they are apt to do is go ahead and take a chance on disease, preg-nancy and a ivhole host of unfortunate events-such as a sudden end to their education, a too-early marriage, an un-wanted child or an abortion. The drive to reproduce is second only to the instinct for survival. It is inborn, demanding, persistent, com-pelling and it will not go away. I say it is far better to permit sexu-ally active young people to buy protec-tion than to deny it to them and let them (and us) suffer the conse-quences. Conversation In her book, How to Talk with Practically Anybody About Practically Any-thing, television's "first lady," Barbara Walters, shares some of the secrets of her success in interviewing and talking with a wide variety of people, includ-ing celebrities, scientists, politicians and authors. She says at the outset that she's not concerned with conversation between friends-few of us have prob-lems there-but even gracious and poised people tend to become rattled by the very famous, the very rich, the highly intellectual, or those in positions of power. And many people have difficulty talking with any stranger in a social setting. After an awkward pause, one might make a comment about the weather, but such forced attempts are usually doomed to lead right back to uncom-fortable silence because they open no new conversational territory. It is necessary to take yourself in hand at the outset, and cross the "shyness barrier." One way to do this is to realize that everyone is self-conscious and afraid of saying something foolish. Since everyone has the same fear, why worry about it? Barbara cites the formula that Abigail McCarthy used to combat needless nervousness when she first came into the public spotlight. Before any interview she told herself: "I am the way I am; I look the way I look; I am my age." The old line that the secret of being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener is only partly true. This may work among friends or relatives, but it's no way to break the ice and get a conversation going with strangers. Start with the premise that everyone likes to talk and there is plenty to talk about. The trick is to hit on a subject of mutual interest. No one is ever bored by a genuine compliment followed by a sincere question. Something as 284 THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA simple as, "That's a very attractive tie (or dress). Would you mind telling me where you found it?" is better than, "It certainly is hot, isn't it?" Easy openings are usually blocked by the real or imagined gaps which peo-ple sense between each other. These gaps can be religious, political, racial and generational. Many adults have trouble talking to anyone under thirty without becoming condescending, defensive or hostile, and-:there's some-thing about approaching a stranger sitting behind a big desk that gives a per-son who is usually confident and poised a feeling of inferiority. In recent years a trend has developed among business executives to elimi-nate this discomfort. Their offices now have sofas and upholstered furniture which create a casual living room atmosphere. The executive moves from behind his desk and asks the visitor to join him in the less formidable setting. Perhaps the most commonly experienced conversational block results from "the accomplishment gap." Americans may not be intimidated or impressed by nobility or titles or wealth, but they do tend to measure worth by status and achievement. Even though that person may not be famous, the salesman, housewife, or office worker often becomes tongue-tied (or worse yet, exces-sively verbose) when he must engage in conversation with a professor, a doc-tor, a scientist, etc. This is ridiculous when one stops to think about it. He is not going to be taking a competitive exam in that person's specialty, nor will he be comparing incomes. In short, there is no need to feel outclassed, over-powered or struck dumb. You cannot go wrong if you are sincere, pleasant and natural. Try to come up with a genuine, non-obsequious opening line which has been run through the tact test. This means don't put people on the defensive. If you are going to deliver a compliment, keep it light and brief so the recipient will not be forced into a frozen smile waiting for you to finish. Long-winded praise can be as embarrassing as an insult. We have been warned repeatedly against talking about religion or politics in a social setting. My personal opinion is that these two subjects are ex-tremely interesting and can be a perfect bridge between individuals who are meeting for the first time. It goes without saying, one does not launch into an attack with an individual who is sure to have another point of view. For ex-ample, to open a conversation with a Catholic priest by asking what he thinks of abortion would exhibit extremely poor judgment. By the same token, don't expect a friendly response from a notoriously conservative, male chauvinist type by asking, "What do you think of the Equal Rights Amendment?" In other words, for openers, stay off subjects you know will create discomfort or a hostile response. Needling, baiting and arguing is not conversation. Remember, it is a mark of a lady or a gentleman to be able to disagree without being disagreeable. High-level conversation at stand-up cocktail parties is virtually impossible. Small talk is the order of the day, and, of course, this is what most people get at such affairs. One of the hazards of the stand-up cocktail party is being cor- THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA 285 nered by an interminable bore. In addition to being unable to extricate one-self, it is often difficult to hear at such parties, particularly if there is music. So, what does one say at a cocktail party where 90 percent of the conver-sation is meaningless? A question is always a good opener and the best ques-tions deal with topics of the day. A person who reads at least one newspaper daily and two or three magazines a week should be adequately informed on what is happening in the world to ask a provocative question about world affairs. ("What do you think about . . . ?") I recommend, as conversational ice-breakers, questions on current events rather than current gossip. It is never in good taste to ask questions about recent illnesses, operations, di-vorces, business failures, jail sentences or other unpleasantries. One question which should not be asked when meeting an individual for the first time is, "How many children do you have?" It may well be that the person to whom you are speaking has no children and is unhappy about it. Another is, "I notice you aren't drinking. Is there any special reason?" If you are seated at a dinner party and have strangers on both sides, remember to divide your time, even though one may be utterly fascinating and the other a certifiable idiot. If the idiot seems to be monopolizing you (and they invariably do), grasp the opportunity while he is taking a breath or sipping wine (or coffee) to say, "Excuse me. I must speak to the person at my right (or left). He seems to be lonely." A good conversationalist knows how to listen. We all have experienced sit

Dear Abby says, “The person who takes over the conversation and does all the talking is as much of a pig as the person who comes to a party and eats all the food.” A sign of graciousness is to allow others to speak. The quiet one can be brought into the conversation by asking him a direct question. Everyone feels flattered when asked for his opinion. My favorite hobby is conversation. I have learned a great deal of what I know by listening to others. When I find myself in the presence of people who have achieved success in a special field, I make it a point to be a listener, not a talker. My father used to say, “You’d be surprised how much you can learn by keeping quiet. Nobody ever learned anything while he was talking.” credit,
Ann Landers. Some material derived from Barbara Walters' book, How to Talk with Practically Anybody About Practically Anything, Garden City, New York: Doubleday & Company, 1970. 286 THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA Convulsions in Children If a child has a convulsion (as a result of a head injury or for other reasons) the most important thing to do is to stay with the child and watch the convul-sion carefully. Try to remember that the convulsion, in and of itself, is rarely a threat to the child's life nor does it require immediate medical care. Protect the child with pillows or blankets to keep him from hurting himself and make sure he can't fall off the bed, couch or car seat. Turn the child on his side so saliva or vomit will run out of his mouth, not into his lungs. If the child is wearing a tight collar, loosen it. It is not neces-sary to place a pencil or other firm object between the child's teeth. In fact, doing so may cause more harm than good. Do not worry that the child will "swallow his tongue." This is an old wives' tale. A convulsion can be frightening, but try to stay calm. The child will usu-ally lose consciousness; his limbs will stiffen and then jerk; his lips and face may turn blue; his eyes may roll upward and his breathing will probably be heavy. The convulsion will probably last only a few minutes (two to ten min-utes in most instances), but because of your anxiety the time will seem much longer. Watch the child carefully so you can describe the convulsion to the doctor. If possible, notice where the convulsion starts (for example, on one side of the face, or in one arm or leg; with stomach pains or with one eye blinking, etc.). Your description will help the doctor diagnose the trouble. When the convulsion is over, and the child is resting comfortably, call your doctor or a hospital emergency ward for further advice. Make certain the child is not left on a surface from which he can fall. credit: Accident Handbook, Department of Health Education, the Children's Hospital Medical Center, Boston, Massachusetts. THE ANN LANDERS ENCYCLOPEDIA 287 Coping Ann Landers' Advice on How to Handle Crises FOR TODAY ONLY