AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life
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Section: relationships, children 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
This is in response to the letter from "In a Quandary in Colorado." She said her 52-year-old daughter, "Eleanor," contacted her biological father, but that he would have nothing to do with her. Shame on that man for treating his daughter with such disregard. I have a similar story, but with a much happier ending. My mom and my biological father, "Bill," were divorced when I was 4 months old. When my mother remarried, Bill was in the Air Force, and I was 18 months old. Bill allowed my stepfather to adopt me because he wanted me to have a stable home. He then agreed to stay out of my life. My adoptive father was wonderful and loving. My parents never sheltered me from knowing that I was adopted. From time to time, Mom would show me pictures of her first wedding and talk about Bill. Bill stayed in contact with my maternal grandmother, who occasionally sent him photographs of me as I was growing up. Two years ago, after 28 years, my grandmother asked if it would be OK for Bill to contact me. I had just gone through a divorce and needed all the support I could get, so I was open to the idea. Bill called me, and we talked on the phone for three solid hours. It was amazing how we bonded. In September of that year, Bill and I met for the first time. It was a picture-perfect reunion. The following June, I remarried, and both my fathers walked me down the aisle. I felt this was a very generous and caring gesture for my Dad to share that special moment with Bill. I could not have been more proud. I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. -- Roberta in California

Dear Roberta,
What a lucky girl you are, and how generous of your mother not to resent her ex-husband's participation in the wedding. I hope you have let all these fine individuals know how much you appreciate their civility and consideration. You are indeed "blessed."