AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life
Section: children, relationships 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
The letter from "Totally Baffled in Spokane" really struck a chord with me. "Baffled" wondered why her father would wait until she was pregnant before suddenly declaring that he wasn't her real dad. I am living that same nightmarish scenario. I have struggled my entire life to keep the dark secret that our son is a product of my wife's affair. I feel sorry for "Baffled," since she did nothing to deserve this pain, but I also understand her father. I have spent years pretending to be happily married to a woman who ruined my life. I am continually plagued by the thought that my son should know who his biological father really is, especially when the time comes for him to become a father himself. I would tell him, but I can't bear the thought of his suffering. I plan to carry this secret to my grave. -- Anonymous in California

Dear California,
I assume you have some kind of proof of this and that the boy's biological father is still living. Does he know about this son? I suggest you discuss this dilemma with a wise physician, lawyer or clergyperson and ask for guidance. I am reluctant to advise you on a matter of such grave importance, knowing so little about the cast of characters. Good luck. You're going to need it.


"Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."
-Ann Landers