AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life
Section: children, relationships 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
The letter from "Totally Baffled in Spokane" really struck a chord with me. "Baffled" wondered why her father would wait until she was pregnant before suddenly declaring that he wasn't her real dad. I am living that same nightmarish scenario. I have struggled my entire life to keep the dark secret that our son is a product of my wife's affair. I feel sorry for "Baffled," since she did nothing to deserve this pain, but I also understand her father. I have spent years pretending to be happily married to a woman who ruined my life. I am continually plagued by the thought that my son should know who his biological father really is, especially when the time comes for him to become a father himself. I would tell him, but I can't bear the thought of his suffering. I plan to carry this secret to my grave. -- Anonymous in California

Dear California,
I assume you have some kind of proof of this and that the boy's biological father is still living. Does he know about this son? I suggest you discuss this dilemma with a wise physician, lawyer or clergyperson and ask for guidance. I am reluctant to advise you on a matter of such grave importance, knowing so little about the cast of characters. Good luck. You're going to need it.


"Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset."
-Ann Landers