AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life
Section: relationships, grief-and-loss, manners 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I recently married "Jim," a man 20 years my senior. It was a second marriage for both of us. Jim's first marriage lasted 22 years, and there were no children. Since his divorce (which was before I met him), Jim and his ex-wife have maintained a very close relationship. Last week, Jim lost a dear friend, whom I knew briefly. I comforted him as best I could, and he was most appreciative. He said there would be no memorial service and that his friend would be cremated. While listening to our answering machine, I heard a day-old message giving details of the funeral service. I asked Jim about the message, and he admitted there would be a service but said he hadn't invited me to attend with him because his ex-wife planned to go. He said if she saw us there together, it would upset her. I am not the type of person to inflict pain on anyone, so I told Jim to go to the funeral without me. Jim and his ex-wife attended the service, which was followed by a reception. I feel pain in my heart that he did not ask me to go with him and feels no remorse about the incident. What do you make of this? -- Bewildered in Texas

Dear Texas,
I think Jim may still be emotionally attached to his ex-wife, and apparently, she has some feelings for him. Don't make an issue of this. Be warm and comforting. Remember, if a man is fed well at home, he will not be inclined to go to restaurants.


"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass."
-Ann Landers