AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life
Section: relationships, grief-and-loss, manners 
 

Dear Ann Landers,
I recently married "Jim," a man 20 years my senior. It was a second marriage for both of us. Jim's first marriage lasted 22 years, and there were no children. Since his divorce (which was before I met him), Jim and his ex-wife have maintained a very close relationship. Last week, Jim lost a dear friend, whom I knew briefly. I comforted him as best I could, and he was most appreciative. He said there would be no memorial service and that his friend would be cremated. While listening to our answering machine, I heard a day-old message giving details of the funeral service. I asked Jim about the message, and he admitted there would be a service but said he hadn't invited me to attend with him because his ex-wife planned to go. He said if she saw us there together, it would upset her. I am not the type of person to inflict pain on anyone, so I told Jim to go to the funeral without me. Jim and his ex-wife attended the service, which was followed by a reception. I feel pain in my heart that he did not ask me to go with him and feels no remorse about the incident. What do you make of this? -- Bewildered in Texas

Dear Texas,
I think Jim may still be emotionally attached to his ex-wife, and apparently, she has some feelings for him. Don't make an issue of this. Be warm and comforting. Remember, if a man is fed well at home, he will not be inclined to go to restaurants.


"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers