AnnLanders.com - Advice for your Everyday Life

Dear Ann Landers,
I am 19 and a single mother of a 1-year-old girl, "Amanda." I attend college part time and am working to provide my daughter with the best life possible. Amanda's father is the problem. He does not pay child support and rarely sees his daughter, although I have bent over backward to arrange times that are convenient for him. He never bothers to call and let me know when he is not able to make it. He simply doesn't show up. When he does keep an appointment, he is always late, which causes me a great deal of stress, and I resent it. Tell me, Ann, how important is Amanda's father going to be in her future? Frankly, I don't think he deserves to be part of her life. I am troubled by the thought that Amanda may grow up to be a "Daddy's girl" and will want him to walk her down the aisle when she gets married. He has done nothing to merit such a place of honor, and it eats at me that he might get the privilege anyway. On the other hand, I don't want to see her on talk shows when she is 18, looking for her long-lost father. Any advice for me? -- Emotional Mom in Oklahoma

Dear Mom,
Let me get this straight. Amanda is a year old, and you are worried that her father (who rarely shows up) might want to walk her down the aisle when she marries. At the earliest, this will be approximately 17 years down the road. It IS important for your daughter to have her father in her life, but as of now, it appears he has little interest, so don't push it. He should be paying support, however, so push THAT. Please put the wedding scene on hold for a while, dear. The way things are going in our society, Amanda may never get married. She could wind up CEO of General Motors. Or she may do both.


"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass."
-Ann Landers